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I have to admit this, I know I’m not the only one struggling with this, but I have to be honest, in my part I’m really having a hard time maintaining my prayer life. I’d been a Christian for almost a decade, an active church youth member but still so guilty with this.
In a relationship, I know how constant communication is so important. Being able to communicate with my friends and love ones through different ways (like skyping, texting, phone calls) from a far made it for us to maintain our closeness.
So if you’re gonna ask me if prayer does really matter, well my obvious answer would be yes because it’s our way of communication with God that strengthens our relationship with Him. Some people might ask why pray when God already knows everything? why still present my request when He already know what’s the desires of my heart?
Well, I think prayer is a kind of two-way communication, it’s not just WE asking Him for certain things, thanking Him for the blessings He have given us, repenting to Him for the sins that we have committed but also HIM talking to us. We must also take time to listen with an open heart as He speaks through His Spirit.
As what Philip Yancey said in his book Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference?, “The true relationship in prayer is not when God hears what is prayed for, but when the person praying continues to pray until he is the one who hears, who hears what God wills.” Prayer plays an role for our desires to be aligned to His by the mean of not just listening to our own heart but to His desires in our lives.

For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:20

The problem is why is it so difficult to pray? Again, like in any other relationship, ours with God requires commitment. There will always be a battle between the flesh and the Spirit. There comes a time wherein your body might refuse to do it because of some stuff (like physical exhaustion, stresses, laziness), but as we filled our life with His Spirit and let Him work in us, He will help us to conquer everything even our struggle with prayer. In 1 Thessalonians 5:17, it tells there that we should “pray without ceasing”. How is that possible? What does that mean? Upon seeing the verse, it doesn’t necessarily mean to deny your social life and go to a quiet a place, kneel with your head down and prayer the whole day, not like that. As what Rei Lemuel Crizaldo said in his book entitled Connected ka ba? How to Pray Kahit Lo-batt Ka Na? ” The challenge, actually, is to be in constant awareness of God’s presence, to have uninterrupted thoughts of God, and to live as if there is only God and you in the world.” As we let Him filled our minds and hearts, prayer would become as easier as breathing in us.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcend all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I’m in a great destruction again, battling against my own emotional self. I don’t know, maybe it’s kinda hormonal imbalance again or some type of mood swing. I’m so tired of this drama honestly but I can’t help it. Other people might think I’m crazy if they found out but I will try not to be bothered by them and by their judgmental act. I feel so guilty for entertaining this feeling of depression or mood swing or whatever you called it. While having a meeting in familiar circle group I’m in, suddenly, I felt rejected, it feels like noone cares or even bother to listen to me, they’re so happy as I watch them conversing with one another while I’m there, a wallpaper again. Then everything follows, I feel so least among everyone else, the thinking that I’m not good at anything, that I’m worthless, not good enough came in. My self-esteem is crushing down, and I’m helpless. My sister told me to consult a psychiatrist, which sounds crazy for me, but I think I will do soon if this emotional unstableness of mine still continues. I tried to unwind myself a while ago by going to the mall, strolling the bookstores and by eating some kinds of doughnuts, I felt a little bit better but as I got home, lie on the bed, I felt the loneliness again so I’ve realized that there’s nothing I could do with it if I’ll do it with just myself. I need someone who will help me, someone who will accept me along with my dramas in life, someone who will listen, someone who will never leave me nor forsake me, someone who will treat me like a precious one, like a treasured possession, okay I admit, I need Jesus. I need more of Jesus.

For the eyes of the Lord go this way and that, through all the earth, letting it be seen that he is the strong support of those whose hearts are true to him. 2 Chronicles 16:9a

My devotion yesterday made me realized that, truly, God sees everything transparently. He evenly blessed those who don’t do His will, how much more to those who faithfully hanging on to His promises and does His will. To the voice of Truth is where we supposed to listen. The enemies are always there waiting for the time of our vulnerability to attack and decieve us, God’s children, but God is faithful. As we ask Him for a firmer and stronger faith, He is more than willing to give it to us and He will not even let us be tempted on more than we can bear.

As of now, I’m writing this at the point wherein I feel so down but I’m choosing to hold on unto Him and His promises, for I know that everything will truly be fine soon. I think, my Lord is much stronger than this hormonal stuff. What I need is just positive thinking and a whole lot more of Jesus each day.

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